Imprisoned in your own body

About 2 years ago, I was in such a painful season with my weight. I had gained nearly 70 pounds. I did not even recognize myself.  I also could not lose the weight. No matter how hard I tried. You cannot imagine the pain of trying nearly EVERY thing –gym visits, changing my diet, etc., only to see the scale continue to go up and up. I felt judged and ashamed. I eventually just quit trying.

I imagine some of you may be in a similar place. There is no pain like that of being “stuck.” I know the reasons are many and varied, but the feeling is relatable. Just stuck. Like a prisoner. Stuck inside a body that you feel is foreign and unwanted.

What do you do if you cannot lose weight?

Well, first, I imagine you probably will cry. Lots of tears of frustration. Please allow yourself to do this. This is a painful season, and you have every right to be hurt, angry, and discouraged. Give yourself the moment.

In the Bible (Jeremiah 29), there was another group of people who were in captivity in a foreign land. They were hoping to leave, but God told them to settle in–it was going to be awhile (70 years to be exact!). As I was reading over the instructions he gave them, I saw some things that may encourage you.

Take care of the place you are in.

Though you may not like your current weight or your current body, this is still your body. Love it. Be a good steward over it. Take care of it by feeding it good food and engaging in activities that are good for your physical and mental health. Being stuck does not equate to living stuck. When I looked my absolute worst physically (at least from my point of view) a few years ago, I made sure that my clothes “game” was on point. I made sure to dress myself really well. I spent extra time on my hair, working to improve my ability to be creative in other areas. It made me feel better, and it was fun. I really needed some fun to distract me from how difficult the season was for my heart. Maybe you do too.

Remember, God is thinking good thoughts toward you, and he has good plans for your future.

 This is a bit more difficult. Though your faith may be weary, just know that it will not always be this way. Though I don’t know the intricate details of your particular story, I do know that seasons end and they change. I felt more encouraged by meditating on the good things God whispered to me were coming. By focusing on the future, I did not have to allow my heart to be overwhelmed by fear of the finality of this moment. Though, for now, this is my reality, I have hope that good things are coming and joy will fill my heart once again.

 Take a wholehearted approach to seeking God while you wait for him.

This, too, may be hard. You may be really angry with God.  You all may not even be speaking. I get it, and he does too. However, if you feel up to it, just tell him how you feel. Just speak it. To him. When I was in this season, I often had to remind myself that I was not getting out of this season without God. I needed him, so we were going to have to work it out.

There was one part of Jeremiah 29 that encouraged me to rethink my spiritual cold war. As the people were settling into their new “home”, God told them that they would seek and find him when they searched with their whole heart. God told them that they would be found by him and he would bring them from their captivity.

I choose to believe the same applies to our story. Though I don’t currently feel lost, maybe there is a part of me that is missing. Maybe there is something in me that needs to be found.

If I take my cues from this passage, I will take care of my body and my heart, believe God has good plans for me to keep my heart encouraged, and do my best to seek, and get closer to God while I wait. He alone is the one who can release me. I also recognize that God is doing a deeper work; I trust him. I know that he is always doing more than I think he is in my life.

Eventually, I did get released from my season of “captivity.” My release date took longer than I thought it would, but as I look back, I understand. I see and am enjoying the things that God was preparing for me in that season. I had some ways about me that needed to change. I didn’t see it then, but I understand now. It just took some time.

Keep going, friends.