I’ve been off the radar for a while and unfortunately its has been because of some heavy family issues. A close family member of mine was diagnosed with cancer last year and she passed away at the end of February. Much of my time was spent in the hospital the month leading up to her passing and I’ve been spending the past few weeks trying to get back into my normal pace of life. THe process is going slow, but I”m making progress.
During the hardest moments of this journey my thought process would go towards the idea of eating to ease the pain. But I quickly reminded myself that food wouldn’t and couldn’t make it better. Even if it temporarily eased the pain of losing a loved one, it would bring feelings of frustration and dissapointment from having overeaten and from the extra pounds I would gain. For the first time in a long time I didn’t pick up food and senselessly eat to numb my emotional pain. But I will not say that I was 100% obedient either! Let’s be honest, funerals mean food. There was so much food at my house during the week of the funeral it was ridiculous!People kept bringing food everyday and there was still food left over from the day before. So even though there was no senseless eating going on, I still did get distracted and managed to overeat during that time. I probably gained about 5 or six pounds during the month of February and it took the month of March to get my act together but I’m back on track at 199.5 pounds!!
THe weight loss community calls when you drop into the 100’s “onederland”. I have finally made it there and I am so excited! It has been a slow and steady race, but God has been faithful in continuing to encourage me to make the right food decision and is allowing me to see my weight shell melt away. It is a transformative process honestly, because my thoughts are not consumed by my weight anymore. I have mental room to think about other things and think about other ways in which God is desiring to change me. I remember the crippling effect of the low self-esteem and now I feel much more joy by being comfortable in my own skin. True, men and women of God are beautiful at any weight and being overweight does not necessarily mean you have low self-esteem. But my insecurities were related to me being overweight and now that extra weight is gone the emotional weight it brought is gone as well.
THe last thing I wanted to share is that I went to Italy this past March! It was so beautiful! I had a wonderful time with a friend of my touring Venice and eating wonderful food. Actually, while I was over there I was very proud of myself! Even though there was a lot of great food to be had I did not stuff my face with all of it! We saw people eating lots of pizza, pasta, gelato (ice cream), fish, and other good fresh tasty food. However, the Italians were eating all the things we say not to eat in the US, but they were not morbidly obese like we are. I’ve got to believe its because they eating within their means. The city was very active because you had to walk everywhere so I know that helped as well. But I just wanted to confirm that food does not make us fat, eating too much of it does!
So now I ‘m just trying to finish up my classes and stay on track with my eating. As always my biggest weakness is staying alert and in the game. But I just take one day at a time and am daily choosing God over my own satisfaction and pleasure. I’ve come to far to do it any other way!
